By: Brad Roller
Although the Halloween season has just passed, the residual feelings of disgust are still within my gut, and I’m not talking about a stomach full of Snickers. I’m referring to the belly full of hate-filled laughs had at the expense of others. Like candy crazed children, tactless students decided to disgrace the Dickinson Campus with their costumed tomfoolery. I was sure, like many other concerned students that the recent discussions on stereotypic Halloween costumes parties would have been taken seriously. But it seems as though I was wrong… undead wrong.
While students were wreaking havoc down West High Street, actual zombies remained in their homes terrified, reading their Living Human Survival Guides. Unfair caricatures of zombies have for too long been promulgated by the media. Are zombies not real human beings? Do they not walk, moan, and crave human flesh like the rest of us? Do they not wish to find that special someone who has a good head on their shoulders, with brains? Is it not enough that legislation has been passed denying the basic human right of cannibalism? This is not the America I want my children to live, die, and then relive in.
Deeply disturbed by what I had witnessed, I decided to do what any disgruntled citizen would do. I contacted my local state representative, but found out he was deeply anti-zombie. “I wouldn’t worry about zombies young man, didn’t you pay attention to the recent elections? The zombies have no reason to stay in Pennsylvania, unless they want to have a tea party. And last time I checked they wanted brains”.